


Boys Wanna Be Her

by xha1



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bisexuality, Coming Out, Dean focused, Dean is, M/M, Non-Binary Dean Winchester, Repression, dean/cas isnt the focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29534163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xha1/pseuds/xha1
Summary: "damn your cw character gnc af""YOURE INSANE"AKA Non-Binarys your Dean the fic
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 37





	Boys Wanna Be Her

**Author's Note:**

  * For [teenage me who was obsessed with that one line from 5x04 the end](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=teenage+me+who+was+obsessed+with+that+one+line+from+5x04+the+end).



Before the fire that's when he had first become aware of this. Those weeks when John was gone and Mom breathed a little easier. Those first couple days after he left were always the best. Sammy was just a baby. He ate and slept. Dean wasn’t in school yet. When it first happened Mom had been busy with Sammy. That's why he dared to try on moms necklaces. He had three of them already on by the time she found where he had gone. Mom had smiled but not one of her real ones. She made a comment about how it was just them there so it wouldn’t hurt for Dean to play dress up. These were Dean's favorite memories of his mother. His most cherished ones. The ones he never dared share with Sammy because what if they made it to John? What if John ruined this for him? Just like Mom feared. So he held in those memories of trying on Mom's too big dresses. Him spinning carefully so they wouldn’t completely fall off his shoulders. Mom thoughtfully commenting on his fashion choices. He held all of it close and packed it away for safety. 

* * *

There it stayed tucked away in a box. He pushed it aside for nineteen years. John had sent him off on his own. He bounced from hunt to hunt. He did odd jobs here and there in between.Then he met Rhonda Hurley. He only knew her for two weeks. Rhonda was twenty-one and she had an apartment all to herself. Rhonda was bisexual. Bisexual. Dean didn’t know that was even a thing till he met her. He carefully packed that word deep away with the rest of himself.

If you asked Dean a few years back to tell this story he probably would’ve lied and said this happened earlier during the sex. He would repackage this off into a wild sex story. The truth is there was nothing sexual about this. He thought she was sound asleep when he stood in front of her mirror completely nude just holding her pink satin underwear. He was trying to determine if they would even fit when she snuck up on him. He froze completely. She carefully took them in her own hands and asked if he wanted to wear them. He could only nod. She helped him step into them and there he stood. He looked at himself standing there. She kissed his cheek. She carefully held his hand and called him handsome as she led him back to bed. He laid there in her arms the most like himself he felt in years. Unshed tears in his eyes as Rhonda muttered to him how it was okay to want to wear things like this. How she told him he could wear things like this and still be Dean. How he wasn’t a freak. He was just Dean and that it was okay to be Dean. This moment between him and Rhonda more intimate than any sex they shared. They would part ways in the morning never to see each other again but this night would live with Dean forever. 

* * *

Years went by. Some years went fast. Some went slow. Dad died. Sam Died. Brought back Sam. He went to hell. He rose from the grave. Rinse. Repeat. Apocalypse in between. Some nights all alone he’d unpack some of himself. Never all at once. Standing under fluorescent lighting in motel bathrooms door locked making himself look like Dean. Other times leaving to hit up a bar the night ending with masculine hands holding him down. Secret trysts. Showing back up to the motel room the next morning. A smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Her name was Candy. Her name was Krissy. Her name was Jessica. Her name was Monica. Rinse. Repeat. 

Overcompensation might as well be his middle name by this point. Wasn’t that a joke? Forty Two and he’s still tip toeing around. Why is he being so quiet? Dancing around the truth. Secret trysts in his own damn house. Being himself around an audience of one. He was tired of being quiet. He needed to be loud. 

* * *

“I’m bisexual.” he just says it. He’s never said it outloud like this. He’s only ever whispered it quietly, almost too soft to hear over the music. This time he says it loud and clear. Right at the breakfast table. Cas is smiling at him encouragingly. Sam looks up at him in shock. Jack just nods and continues eating. He feels a bit lighter. 

“You actually came out.”

“What the hell does that mean, Bitch?”

“I mean you’re my brother. I love you, Jerk. Thank you for telling me. I am proud of you. But you do realize you’re not subtle. Jack literally asked me when were you and Cas finally getting married last week?” 

“I really want to go to a wedding. I heard you can just throw rice and tie cans to cars.” Jack helpfully chimed in.

The conversation continued and Dean felt just a little more at ease. 

* * *

This next part was harder. He didn’t know how to put it into words to express it to someone else. So he spent days curled up in his room by Cas’s side laptop sat between them. Research was familiar to them both. Normally they were looking for cases. This time was different. He felt safe. Unjudged like he hadn’t felt in years. Safe to explore. Terms uttered out loud to test them out. Genders. Pronouns. He wondered if these were around the whole time? Could she have had the exact words for themself years ago? He tried not to dwell. They had slowly started wearing clothes he kept tucked away hidden outside the confines of her room. Sam had only raised his eyebrow once but didn’t comment. Jack told her he looked nice. 

It was just him and Sam. She wanted to tell Sam alone. They were ready for this. He took a deep breath approaching Sam. 

“Sam, I have something to tell you.”, he hoped they didn’t sound as nervous as she felt.

“Oh god. I knew this would happen. You’re angel pregnant.”, Sam looked at him in wide eyed panic. 

“WHAT? No! That’s not even possible with my equipment! You dumbass! I wanted to tell you I’m non-binary.” 

“What?” 

“I’m non-binary. I’m okay with any pronouns.”, she smiled saying that.

Then there was Sam. Giving them a big hug. One of Sam's long hugs. The kind Sam usually only gave when one of them had a close call. Oh god, was Sam crying. Shouldn’t she be the one crying during this? Oh wait they were a little. Damn.

“I’m proud of you. I love you. You’re still my brother? Or sister? Sibling? Jerk?”, Sam laughed a little with the last one.

“Any of those work. Hey I thought I told you before no chick-flick moments.”, she wiped tears away.

“I...I don’t know if that's offensive when you say that now.” Sam confessed.

Dean felt at ease.

**Author's Note:**

> saying this just incase im nb trans and gay 
> 
> https://youtu.be/6k_7EEcZ3tI  
> checkout my dean edit using the song that inspired this fic :)


End file.
